Resources for self- and other-care in difficult times

Many of us have been impacted by the election results.  Whether you are feeling shock, fear, anger, sadness, confusion, disbelief, or excitement, joy, satisfaction or hope, you are likely not alone.

If you have been struggling, some of these resources might be helpful (thanks to Jennifer Villatte for sharing this list).  I prefaced each with a quote that spoke to me.  I also noticed the urge to provide a more in depth review of each, but eventually decided to practice self-care by calling it good :).  I hope you find something you might be seeking.

Resources for Self-Care in the Face of Social Injustice and Marginalization

“When we hold space for other people, we open our hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of judgement and control.”
What It Really Means to Hold Space for Someone, by Heather Plett
http://upliftconnect.com/hold-space/

“Have you showered in the past day? If not, take a shower right now.”
4 Self-Care Resources for Days When the World is Terrible, by Miriam Zoila Perez
https://www.colorlines.com/articles/4-self-care-resources-days-when-world-terrible

“Oppression is far more effective when the oppressed are also mentally drained and physically ill, so our physical and mental wellness is, in itself, a personal counter-attack on oppression.”
3 Ways to Prioritize Self-Care While Resisting Dehumanization: Because #BlackWellnessMatters, by Akilah S. Richards
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/07/self-care-resisting-dehumanization/

“There are things you can do for yourself right now to get prepared for the next four (to eight) years.”
What to Do If You’re Trans and Live in America Now, by Jessica Lachenal
http://www.themarysue.com/trans-in-america-2016/

“Anger used as a catalyst for social transformation can go a long way.”
Transforming Anger into Building Solidarity, by Beth Berila
http://www.contemplativepracticesforantioppressionpedagogy.com/blog/transforming-anger-into-building-solidarity-by-beth-berila-phd

“Sometimes saying no is a radical act of self-care that’s as vital to our struggles as the marches, teach-ins, and walk-outs in which we participate.”
5 Self-Care Tips for Activists – ‘Cause Being Woke Shouldn’t Mean Your Spirit’s Broke, by Kim Tran
http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/04/self-care-for-woke-folks/

“The antidote for exhaustion isn’t rest.  It is wholeheartedness.”
What’s Missing When We Talk About Self-Care, by Carmenleah Ascencio
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4eX5Wjm4FrE

Resources for Engaging in Difficult Conversations and Being an Ally

“I’m more interested in helping them change their oppressive behavior than publicly shaming them for it.”
Calling In: A Quick Guide on When and How, by Sian Ferguson
http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/01/guide-to-calling-in/

“Comfort IN, dump OUT.”
How not to say the wrong thing – The “Ring Theory” of Comfort, by Susan Silk & Barry Goldman
http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr/07/opinion/la-oe-0407-silk-ring-theory-20130407

“13. Recognize That Yes, You’re Going to Do it Wrong and 14. Apologize Without Caveats”
30 Ways to Be a Better Ally, by Jamie Utt
http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/01/30-ways-to-be-a-better-ally-in-2014/

“We Center The Voice and Leadership of the Survivor and Oppressed Communities.”
Being An Ally/Building Solidarity, by Southerners On New Ground (S.O.N.G.)
http://southernersonnewground.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/SONG-Being-An-Ally-Building-Solidarity.pdf

“Create and Share Art, Support People with Disabilities”
26 Ways to Be in the Struggle Beyond the Streets, by Anderson, Barett, Dixon, Garrido, Kane, Nancherla, Narichania, Narasimham, Rabiyah and Richart
https://issuu.com/nlc.sf.2014/docs/beyondthestreets_final

To those who feel afraid or hurt after the election

For many of us, these are frightening and uncertain times. We at Portland Psychotherapy want to make a declaration of support to the millions of people around the nation and here in Portland that have been targeted, oppressed, attacked, or silenced and to those who feel fearful of what may come.  Portland Psychotherapy does not endorse discrimination in any form and is invested in ensuring the safety of all members of our community.

If you feel marginalized, oppressed, angered, hurt, afraid, ashamed, or stigmatized, we want you to know you are welcome here.  You are all part of the community we love and serve. This is a safe place for you to speak and to be heard. We value you.

The Staff of Portland Psychotherapy

Spoiler Alert: Spoilers Don’t Spoil

Have you ever had the experience of learning the ending of a book, movie, or TV show that you had really wanted to read/watch and saying to yourself, “AARGH—it’s ruined for me!”?

In college, I tried to be very careful about reading the introductions to classic literature. I found out the hard way that the people who write the introductions often presume the reader is already familiar with the work. Inadvertently, I’d learn key plots points—sometimes the ending—before I had even started the book.

At the time, I figured that knowing the ending would detract from my enjoyment of the book.

It turns out, I was wrong.

Researchers Find That Knowing Key Plot Twists Enhances Enjoyment of Respected Books

According to Science Daily, two researchers at the University of California – San Diego ran a series of experiments looking at how knowing the ending of a story in advance effects how much people enjoy it. The researchers used short stories by well-known authors such as Agatha Christie, John Updike, and Raymond Carver. Everyone was given a story to read in one of three ways: 1.) Some people simply read the story; 2.) Others were given a paragraph to read that gave away the ending (the spoiler) prior to reading the story; 3.) and for others, the ending was given away during the story rather than before.

People for whom the story was “spoiled” reported enjoying the story more. Not only did knowing the ending in advance not ruin enjoyment of the story, but spoiling the story appeared to enhance it! It didn’t matter whether the story was a literary work, a mystery, or something with an ironic-twist (e.g., surprise) ending.

Why?

The researchers suggest that well-written stories are enjoyable regardless of what we know about them. When we know the ending, we can pay more attention to other elements. Given that the stories were by respected authors, it would be interesting to know if the same results are true for less skilled writers.

Next time a work of fiction is “spoiled” for me, rather than respond with “AARGH!” perhaps I ought to say, “Thank you—now I’ll enjoy it even more.”